Colossus

A long time ago, in a twitterverse far away, I tweeted that, "Chuck Norris once had a staring contest with a statue and won." A friend then asked me, "Which statue?" I needed something smart and/or witty to say, so I replied with, "The Colossus of Rhodes." Chuck Norris staring down a statue is funny, but Chuck Norris staring one of the seven wonders of the world into crumbling from fear is just a whopper of a punchline.

Yesterday, a quiz show, I think it was Jeopardy or Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader, asked a question about one of the seven wonders of the world, and it showed this picture:

I said, "Oh, that's the Colossus of Rhodes." I felt like a freakin' genius for the first time in my life.


And here's a picture of Dusty Rhodes, just because I think he's kind of funny looking.

Lines

"I hate the supermarket. I always wind up in the 2000 items or less aisle, behind some ugly lady in a mumu and curlers. And when everything is totalled up, then they go for the checkbook like it never occured to them that they have to pay. And then they always turn around and ask me, "What's the date?" like it matters to me. All they gotta do is look at the date on their milk and add one." -Al Bundy

I had a similar experience tonight, although I think maybe the cashier was to blame. I'm too lazy to tell you what happened.

Crocs

You may know this about me, and maybe you don't. I really hate crocs.

No, not these crocs:

I mean these crocs:

One of my roommates wears them and I cringe whenever I see them. My boss used to wear a purple pair and it would take every ounce of my will power to not poke fun at him, both for the crocs and the hideous color he chose. And he wore them with socks, which I think is worse than wearing sandles with socks.

While doing research for this blog, I read that crocs are made of some type of polyurethane that resists odor. I have something similar, it's called soap. When I apply this soap to my feet, it kills the odor, and i can go on wearing normal shoes.

That is all.

Godzilla

Godzilla is badass.

How do you improve on a monster that is like a Tyrannosaurus Rex, except 50 meters tall and breathes fire?

Mechagodzilla!

I just wanted to get that out there.

Pun

Have you ever heard someone say, "No pun intended."

Have you ever heard someone say, "Pun intended."

I hate that.

Ten times out of ten, the pun isn't funny.

Netflix Cares

I found this e-mail humorous.

How To Lose Weight

I weighed myself for the first time in a couple of weeks. To my surprise, I lost some weight. I know a lot of people try crazy weight loss techniques like doing P90X or changing their eating habits. I would like to present my alternative two-week plan to these crazy ideas.

1. Be lazy. Go to work and sit for your entire shift. When you go home, don't exercise or do anything strenuous. Sit around in your room and browse the internet, take a nap, or watch a movie.




2. Eat brownies. Lots of them. I find that a well balanced diet consists of brownies for breakfast and dinner. If you want to lose a lot of weight, try adding chocolate frosting and powdered sugar on top.



That's it. Simple. Try it out and tell me if it works for you as well as it has for me.

Interviewing 101

Things asked of me at a job interview that I found frustrating:

Q: What makes a rocket go high?
A: A lot of variables, but I would say the thrust and mass of the rocket are most important.

Q: What can make a rocket go higher?
A: Well, you could make an engine with more thrust, or use lighter weight materials.

Q: So what is it that makes it go high?
A: ...the fuel is also important. Different fuels give you different thrust ratios.

Q: What limited the altitude of the rocket?
A: ...the thrust and weight. We used a stainless steel rocket and an aluminum body.

Q: Is steel heavier than aluminum?
A: ...yes.

Q: Why didn't you use steel everything?
A: Because steel is heavier than aluminum. It would add unnecessary weight.

Q: So is aluminum lighter than steel?
A: ...yes. Aluminum is lighter than steel...

Q: What makes a rocket go high?
A: >:-/

The follow-up to those questions was, "This had nothing to do with the interview. I was just curious."

The job had nothing to do with rockets either.

facepalm: the only logical answer to a stupid question or statement.

Indie Music

It's late, and I should be sleeping. But something has been bothering me lately. Indie music. Well, not really Indie music, but the annoying hipsters who think they're cool because they listen to Indie rock. Here's how a typical conversation goes:

Pretentious Hipster: So what kind of music do you enjoy?
Me: I really like Kelly Clarkson and Jack White.
Pretentious Hipster: Oh really...that's funny. I thought the last Dead Weather album was so boring. Have you ever heard of The Pigeon Detectives or Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros?
Me: No. I don't have a lot of time to explore new music. And when I do, I usually get bored with it.
Pretentious Hipster: Oh, you just need to be baptized into the world of independent music. Let me tell you, you haven't lived until you've been to a Lemon Demon concert.
Me: I'm really not interested. But thanks.
Pretentious Hipster: No really, you should give them a listen. You won't believe what you've been missing. The corporate world has you brainwashed into thinking what you're listening to is music, but it's not. I'm so much better than you.
Me: ...(facepalm)

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, f*ck off. Go back to starbucks and leave me the hell alone. I'm not interested in your stupid hippy playlist. Oh, and unless you're Allen, don't try lecturing me on rap music. I was listening to authentic rap music (N.W.A., Erik B and Rakim, KRS-One) when I was nine years old. Not this homogenized garbage that passes for rap nowadays.

Ahhh...it felt good to get that off my chest.

Frim Fram Juice

I don't drink coffee at work, and I try not drink soda. But, I do like to drink these.



They cost anywhere between $2.00 and $4.00 depending on which one you get. They start to add up after a week. So today I made my own. A lot of them. Have you ever looked at what's in these? It's mostly stuff you can buy in the produce section.

Bananas + O.J. + Apple Juice + Strawberries = homemade Odwalla juice.

I am so smrt.

Thus ends another exciting blog entry.

Working On It