Except for the scarf, it has nothing to do with clothing.
("real good" is where bacon comes from.)
2.12.2011
Scarf
I found this picture at an apparel store earlier tonight.
Except for the scarf, it has nothing to do with clothing.
("real good" is where bacon comes from.)
Except for the scarf, it has nothing to do with clothing.
("real good" is where bacon comes from.)
2.06.2011
Nachos
For the Superbowl I opened up my wallet and prepared some super nacho dip.
The first ingredient, as in most of my experimental cooking, was a pack of bacon. I weaved it, placed it in a metal bowl, and baked it for a while. Being a man, I didn't time it. I just stuck it in the oven and eyed it every five minutes.
While the bacon was baking, I diced up another pack of bacon and cooked it up.
Once the bacon weave was done baking, I took it out and placed it in a clean bowl. (I drained all the grease out first.) The idea was that the bacon strips at the bottom were an edible prize, like the prize at the bottom of a cereal box. Just imagine, strips of bacon covered in all the runoff goo. Yummy.)
While the first pound of bacon was baking, and the second was cooking, I started heating up two cans of chili and two cans of cheese. (Yes, cans of cheese. I think you're supposed to use it for Broccoli Cheese soup or something, but I've never used it for anything except nachos and my regular glass of melted cheese in the morning.) Once it was warmed up and sufficiently gooey, I dumped it onto the bacon base.
Next, I added a giant container of sour cream.
I then added some decorative jalapenos and diced onions to the top.
Finally, like all good meals, I added the cooked pile of diced bacon to the center.
I lucked out with the bowl. It was the perfect size. The first few bites were nothing but chips covered in sour cream, but once we were able to dig down a couple of layers and everything started blending together, it was pretty darn good.
If you're curious, the bacon was 1740 calories, the chili was 1080 calories, and the cheese was 500 calories, for a grand total of 3320 calories. I ate about half of it and guests ate the other half. I intended to add some guacamole to it, but I forgot to buy it and I'm way too lazy to make my own guac.
There are some leftovers upstairs in my fridge, so tomorrow for breakfast I'm going to add some fried eggs and syrup on top of it.
The first ingredient, as in most of my experimental cooking, was a pack of bacon. I weaved it, placed it in a metal bowl, and baked it for a while. Being a man, I didn't time it. I just stuck it in the oven and eyed it every five minutes.
While the bacon was baking, I diced up another pack of bacon and cooked it up.
Once the bacon weave was done baking, I took it out and placed it in a clean bowl. (I drained all the grease out first.) The idea was that the bacon strips at the bottom were an edible prize, like the prize at the bottom of a cereal box. Just imagine, strips of bacon covered in all the runoff goo. Yummy.)
While the first pound of bacon was baking, and the second was cooking, I started heating up two cans of chili and two cans of cheese. (Yes, cans of cheese. I think you're supposed to use it for Broccoli Cheese soup or something, but I've never used it for anything except nachos and my regular glass of melted cheese in the morning.) Once it was warmed up and sufficiently gooey, I dumped it onto the bacon base.
Next, I added a giant container of sour cream.
I then added some decorative jalapenos and diced onions to the top.
Finally, like all good meals, I added the cooked pile of diced bacon to the center.
I lucked out with the bowl. It was the perfect size. The first few bites were nothing but chips covered in sour cream, but once we were able to dig down a couple of layers and everything started blending together, it was pretty darn good.
If you're curious, the bacon was 1740 calories, the chili was 1080 calories, and the cheese was 500 calories, for a grand total of 3320 calories. I ate about half of it and guests ate the other half. I intended to add some guacamole to it, but I forgot to buy it and I'm way too lazy to make my own guac.
There are some leftovers upstairs in my fridge, so tomorrow for breakfast I'm going to add some fried eggs and syrup on top of it.
1.06.2011
Bacon
The other day I was inspired to cook a bacon wrapped steak. Mostly because I occasionally enjoy a serving of bacon. I started by making a bacon weave to wrap the steak in.
I then seasoned the steak with a long held secret blend of herbs and spices (it was some store bought steak seasoning) and placed the steak on the bacon.
Next, I swaddled the steak with the bacon and placed it in a foil lined pan. I set the oven to broil and placed the monstrosity on the middle rack.
Note: On broil, bacon cooks really fast. After a few minutes, the bacon started smoking so I flipped it over so the other side could cook. I soon had to remove the bacon because it was turning black and the steak was still bloody and uncooked.
This was the final result after I added some mashed potatoes and french style green beans. It was edible, but not the best meal I've prepared.
If I've learned anything, and I haven't, it's that I'm still not a very good cook. At least the bacon turned out well, and that's all that really matters.
I then seasoned the steak with a long held secret blend of herbs and spices (it was some store bought steak seasoning) and placed the steak on the bacon.
Next, I swaddled the steak with the bacon and placed it in a foil lined pan. I set the oven to broil and placed the monstrosity on the middle rack.
This was the final result after I added some mashed potatoes and french style green beans. It was edible, but not the best meal I've prepared.
If I've learned anything, and I haven't, it's that I'm still not a very good cook. At least the bacon turned out well, and that's all that really matters.
1.05.2011
Work
Recently I've been reading a lot of year end blogs describing the amazing adventures and events that shaped your lives in 2010. I wanted to do something similar, but:
a.) I'm too lazy to write a year in review
b.) Nobody cares
c.) I can't remember
d.) It wasn't that eventful
e.) All of the above
The correct answer is "e."
So instead, I leave you with these pictures of interesting things I did at work this year while my computer was busy, or I was bored.
After my co-worker went home, I decorated her desk with a bunch of stuff I found in a plastic bin. This included a few dozen army men, matchbox cars, and ramps. I think the story behind this was that a Nascar race was interrupted by a race war of different colored army men. The pile up of cars at the end was tragic. Many good drivers were lost.
This is a spreadsheet I worked on that describes how to maximize Oreo cream while minimizing Oreo cookie intake. I was inspired by the idea that you could combine two oreos to make a double-stuff, two double-stuffs to make an quadruple-stuff, and so on. The conclusion I came to was that in a box containing 45 Oreo cookies, you could make a single 32-stuff, one octo-stuff, one quadruple stuff, one single stuff, and have 88 outsides left over. I don't remember double checking the math, nor do I care to do so, but feel free to. I also don't remember trying to make such an epic cookie. I strongly encourage you to do so.
We had an internet outage one day, and with a job that depends on the internet, it was very boring. We found a stack of phone books in the hallway to entertain us. What you see here is one of them that I ripped in half with my bare hands.
a.) I'm too lazy to write a year in review
b.) Nobody cares
c.) I can't remember
d.) It wasn't that eventful
e.) All of the above
The correct answer is "e."
So instead, I leave you with these pictures of interesting things I did at work this year while my computer was busy, or I was bored.
1.01.2011
Favorite Music - 2010
Personally, this is my most interesting blog entry of the year. I analyzed my iTunes and iPod listening habits of the past year in Excel. You probably won't find it nearly as interesting as I did. Here are the results.
No surprises here. Interestingly though, My Life Would Suck Without You was my number two played song of 2009, with an almost identical number of plays.
If Kanye hadn't released his album so late in the year, it would have been much higher. It will probably be the number two most played in 2011, right behind Kelly Clarkson's new cd. I was very surprised by Mika's Life In Cartoon Motion being ranked so high. I guess I never skip his songs.
Weird, I really don't remember listening to Eminem's back catalog that much. It must have happened between the releases of Relapse and Recovery. While Lady Gaga is at number 10, it should be noted that I only have seven of her songs, two of which were added very late in the year. Adjusting the totals, her other five songs had an average of 40 plays each, which is a statistically very high.
Well that's all. 2010, was a year dominated by Eminem and Kelly Clarkson.
Time to reset the play counts.
Top Play Counts of 2010
| Rank | Song/Artist | Play Count |
10
|
Won't Back Down - Eminem | |
9
|
If I Can't Have You - Kelly Clarkson | |
8
|
So Bad - Eminem | |
7
|
Almost Famous - Eminem | |
6
|
25 To Life - Eminem | |
5
|
Cinderella Man - Eminem | |
4
|
Not Afraid - Eminem | |
3
|
Already Gone - Kelly Clarkson | |
2
|
Cry - Kelly Clarkson | |
1
|
My Life Would Suck Without You - Kelly Clarkson |
No surprises here. Interestingly though, My Life Would Suck Without You was my number two played song of 2009, with an almost identical number of plays.
Top Played Albums of 2010
(This counts how many times songs were played from specific albums, not the count of times an album was listened to in its entirety.)| Rank | Album/Artist | Play Count |
10
|
My December - Kelly Clarkson | |
9
|
My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy - Kanye West | |
8
|
Jagged Little Pill - Alanis Morissette | |
7
|
The Eminem Show - Eminem | |
6
|
Breakaway - Kelly Clarkson | |
5
|
Across the Universe - Soundtrack | |
4
|
LOVE - The Beatles | |
3
|
Life In Cartoon Motion - Mika | |
2
|
All I Ever Wanted - Kelly Clarkson | |
1
|
Recovery - Eminem |
If Kanye hadn't released his album so late in the year, it would have been much higher. It will probably be the number two most played in 2011, right behind Kelly Clarkson's new cd. I was very surprised by Mika's Life In Cartoon Motion being ranked so high. I guess I never skip his songs.
Top Play Counts of 2010
(This counts how many times an artist's songs were played. So artists with a large catalog who were played a little, or artists with a small catalog that were played a lot should appear.)| Rank | Artist | Play Count |
10
|
Lady Gaga | |
9
|
Kanye West | |
8
|
Britney Spears | |
7
|
Various (Across the Universe) | |
6
|
Fiona Apple | |
5
|
Mika | |
4
|
The White Stripes | |
3
|
The Beatles | |
2
|
Kelly Clarkson | |
1
|
Eminem |
Weird, I really don't remember listening to Eminem's back catalog that much. It must have happened between the releases of Relapse and Recovery. While Lady Gaga is at number 10, it should be noted that I only have seven of her songs, two of which were added very late in the year. Adjusting the totals, her other five songs had an average of 40 plays each, which is a statistically very high.
Well that's all. 2010, was a year dominated by Eminem and Kelly Clarkson.
Time to reset the play counts.
12.25.2010
Colossus
A long time ago, in a twitterverse far away, I tweeted that, "Chuck Norris once had a staring contest with a statue and won." A friend then asked me, "Which statue?" I needed something smart and/or witty to say, so I replied with, "The Colossus of Rhodes." Chuck Norris staring down a statue is funny, but Chuck Norris staring one of the seven wonders of the world into crumbling from fear is just a whopper of a punchline.
Yesterday, a quiz show, I think it was Jeopardy or Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader, asked a question about one of the seven wonders of the world, and it showed this picture:
I said, "Oh, that's the Colossus of Rhodes." I felt like a freakin' genius for the first time in my life.
And here's a picture of Dusty Rhodes, just because I think he's kind of funny looking.
Yesterday, a quiz show, I think it was Jeopardy or Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader, asked a question about one of the seven wonders of the world, and it showed this picture:
I said, "Oh, that's the Colossus of Rhodes." I felt like a freakin' genius for the first time in my life.
And here's a picture of Dusty Rhodes, just because I think he's kind of funny looking.
12.19.2010
Lines
"I hate the supermarket. I always wind up in the 2000 items or less aisle, behind some ugly lady in a mumu and curlers. And when everything is totalled up, then they go for the checkbook like it never occured to them that they have to pay. And then they always turn around and ask me, "What's the date?" like it matters to me. All they gotta do is look at the date on their milk and add one." -Al Bundy
I had a similar experience tonight, although I think maybe the cashier was to blame. I'm too lazy to tell you what happened.
I had a similar experience tonight, although I think maybe the cashier was to blame. I'm too lazy to tell you what happened.
12.16.2010
Crocs
You may know this about me, and maybe you don't. I really hate crocs.
No, not these crocs:
I mean these crocs:
One of my roommates wears them and I cringe whenever I see them. My boss used to wear a purple pair and it would take every ounce of my will power to not poke fun at him, both for the crocs and the hideous color he chose. And he wore them with socks, which I think is worse than wearing sandles with socks.
While doing research for this blog, I read that crocs are made of some type of polyurethane that resists odor. I have something similar, it's called soap. When I apply this soap to my feet, it kills the odor, and i can go on wearing normal shoes.
That is all.
No, not these crocs:
I mean these crocs:
One of my roommates wears them and I cringe whenever I see them. My boss used to wear a purple pair and it would take every ounce of my will power to not poke fun at him, both for the crocs and the hideous color he chose. And he wore them with socks, which I think is worse than wearing sandles with socks.
While doing research for this blog, I read that crocs are made of some type of polyurethane that resists odor. I have something similar, it's called soap. When I apply this soap to my feet, it kills the odor, and i can go on wearing normal shoes.
That is all.
12.14.2010
Godzilla
Godzilla is badass.
How do you improve on a monster that is like a Tyrannosaurus Rex, except 50 meters tall and breathes fire?
Mechagodzilla!
I just wanted to get that out there.
11.29.2010
Pun
Have you ever heard someone say, "No pun intended."
Have you ever heard someone say, "Pun intended."
I hate that.
Ten times out of ten, the pun isn't funny.
11.17.2010
7.01.2010
How To Lose Weight
I weighed myself for the first time in a couple of weeks. To my surprise, I lost some weight. I know a lot of people try crazy weight loss techniques like doing P90X or changing their eating habits. I would like to present my alternative two-week plan to these crazy ideas.
1. Be lazy. Go to work and sit for your entire shift. When you go home, don't exercise or do anything strenuous. Sit around in your room and browse the internet, take a nap, or watch a movie.
2. Eat brownies. Lots of them. I find that a well balanced diet consists of brownies for breakfast and dinner. If you want to lose a lot of weight, try adding chocolate frosting and powdered sugar on top.
That's it. Simple. Try it out and tell me if it works for you as well as it has for me.
1. Be lazy. Go to work and sit for your entire shift. When you go home, don't exercise or do anything strenuous. Sit around in your room and browse the internet, take a nap, or watch a movie.
2. Eat brownies. Lots of them. I find that a well balanced diet consists of brownies for breakfast and dinner. If you want to lose a lot of weight, try adding chocolate frosting and powdered sugar on top.That's it. Simple. Try it out and tell me if it works for you as well as it has for me.
6.21.2010
Interviewing 101
Things asked of me at a job interview that I found frustrating:
Q: What makes a rocket go high?
A: A lot of variables, but I would say the thrust and mass of the rocket are most important.
Q: What can make a rocket go higher?
A: Well, you could make an engine with more thrust, or use lighter weight materials.
Q: So what is it that makes it go high?
A: ...the fuel is also important. Different fuels give you different thrust ratios.
Q: What limited the altitude of the rocket?
A: ...the thrust and weight. We used a stainless steel rocket and an aluminum body.
Q: Is steel heavier than aluminum?
A: ...yes.
Q: Why didn't you use steel everything?
A: Because steel is heavier than aluminum. It would add unnecessary weight.
Q: So is aluminum lighter than steel?
A: ...yes. Aluminum is lighter than steel...
Q: What makes a rocket go high?
A: >:-/
The follow-up to those questions was, "This had nothing to do with the interview. I was just curious."
The job had nothing to do with rockets either.
facepalm: the only logical answer to a stupid question or statement.
Q: What makes a rocket go high?
A: A lot of variables, but I would say the thrust and mass of the rocket are most important.
Q: What can make a rocket go higher?
A: Well, you could make an engine with more thrust, or use lighter weight materials.
Q: So what is it that makes it go high?
A: ...the fuel is also important. Different fuels give you different thrust ratios.
Q: What limited the altitude of the rocket?
A: ...the thrust and weight. We used a stainless steel rocket and an aluminum body.
Q: Is steel heavier than aluminum?
A: ...yes.
Q: Why didn't you use steel everything?
A: Because steel is heavier than aluminum. It would add unnecessary weight.
Q: So is aluminum lighter than steel?
A: ...yes. Aluminum is lighter than steel...
Q: What makes a rocket go high?
A: >:-/
The follow-up to those questions was, "This had nothing to do with the interview. I was just curious."
The job had nothing to do with rockets either.
facepalm: the only logical answer to a stupid question or statement.
6.03.2010
Indie Music
It's late, and I should be sleeping. But something has been bothering me lately. Indie music. Well, not really Indie music, but the annoying hipsters who think they're cool because they listen to Indie rock. Here's how a typical conversation goes:
Pretentious Hipster: So what kind of music do you enjoy?
Me: I really like Kelly Clarkson and Jack White.
Pretentious Hipster: Oh really...that's funny. I thought the last Dead Weather album was so boring. Have you ever heard of The Pigeon Detectives or Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros?
Me: No. I don't have a lot of time to explore new music. And when I do, I usually get bored with it.
Pretentious Hipster: Oh, you just need to be baptized into the world of independent music. Let me tell you, you haven't lived until you've been to a Lemon Demon concert.
Me: I'm really not interested. But thanks.
Pretentious Hipster: No really, you should give them a listen. You won't believe what you've been missing. The corporate world has you brainwashed into thinking what you're listening to is music, but it's not. I'm so much better than you.
Me: ...(facepalm)
So I guess what I'm trying to say is, f*ck off. Go back to starbucks and leave me the hell alone. I'm not interested in your stupid hippy playlist. Oh, and unless you're Allen, don't try lecturing me on rap music. I was listening to authentic rap music (N.W.A., Erik B and Rakim, KRS-One) when I was nine years old. Not this homogenized garbage that passes for rap nowadays.
Ahhh...it felt good to get that off my chest.
Pretentious Hipster: So what kind of music do you enjoy?
Me: I really like Kelly Clarkson and Jack White.
Pretentious Hipster: Oh really...that's funny. I thought the last Dead Weather album was so boring. Have you ever heard of The Pigeon Detectives or Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros?
Me: No. I don't have a lot of time to explore new music. And when I do, I usually get bored with it.
Pretentious Hipster: Oh, you just need to be baptized into the world of independent music. Let me tell you, you haven't lived until you've been to a Lemon Demon concert.
Me: I'm really not interested. But thanks.
Pretentious Hipster: No really, you should give them a listen. You won't believe what you've been missing. The corporate world has you brainwashed into thinking what you're listening to is music, but it's not. I'm so much better than you.
Me: ...(facepalm)
So I guess what I'm trying to say is, f*ck off. Go back to starbucks and leave me the hell alone. I'm not interested in your stupid hippy playlist. Oh, and unless you're Allen, don't try lecturing me on rap music. I was listening to authentic rap music (N.W.A., Erik B and Rakim, KRS-One) when I was nine years old. Not this homogenized garbage that passes for rap nowadays.
Ahhh...it felt good to get that off my chest.
5.05.2010
Frim Fram Juice
I don't drink coffee at work, and I try not drink soda. But, I do like to drink these.
They cost anywhere between $2.00 and $4.00 depending on which one you get. They start to add up after a week. So today I made my own. A lot of them. Have you ever looked at what's in these? It's mostly stuff you can buy in the produce section.
Bananas + O.J. + Apple Juice + Strawberries = homemade Odwalla juice.
I am so smrt.
Thus ends another exciting blog entry.
They cost anywhere between $2.00 and $4.00 depending on which one you get. They start to add up after a week. So today I made my own. A lot of them. Have you ever looked at what's in these? It's mostly stuff you can buy in the produce section.
Bananas + O.J. + Apple Juice + Strawberries = homemade Odwalla juice.
I am so smrt.
Thus ends another exciting blog entry.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)